NO WONDER MY PARENTS DRANK by JAY MOHR

Author:JAY MOHR
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2010-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

10

SAFE IS A FOUR-LETTER WORD

Why do our kids think we are so damn interesting? One day, and I don’t know when it was, children stopped being able to play without adult supervision. I am not talking about leaving your child alone for some quiet time. I am talking about our children’s utter inability to play by themselves. When I was a kid, grown-ups were really only around at dinner and to drive us to school. Moms and dads didn’t sit next to you on the swings at the park. Parents didn’t chase us through the woods with our friends. Mom and Dad didn’t really know what the inside of the neighbor’s house looked like, either. That is because when I was a kid we wanted to be left alone with other kids. We didn’t want our parents watching us play army or football or touching each other’s cranks.

Sometime over the last thirty years or so, the focus of playtime has shifted. What used to be two or more kids paying attention to only each other has changed into our one kid constantly saying “Look at me!” Our kids don’t let us out of their sight. When I was a kid, if you saw a dad or mom rolling around on the ground with a kid at the park, they were in mid-brawl. Whenever you were at a friend’s house and a parent showed up, your first thought was, I hope I’m not in trouble. Almost never do you see just three kids playing by themselves anymore. Kids need constant attention and positive affirmation. It’s annoying. I get it. You can hop on one leg. Wow. You are the best.

When I was a kid, I would get on my bike and ride over to my friend’s house and come home around five, in time for dinner. These days, your daughter will show you how cool she looks getting on the bike for the first forty-five minutes. Then there will be a half hour of talk about how cool the new helmet looks on her head. The next hour will be spent in your driveway as your kid shows you every “trick” she knows on her bike. I should point out to you what you already know. These tricks suck. Our children are simply horrible at tricks. Did the definition of the word trick change and I missed the memo? A “trick” to our children is just a “thing” to us. Jackie will ask me to watch his supercool new trick and he will stand on one leg and hop up and down once. Then there is an awkward pause because I think he is breaking my balls and the real trick hasn’t started yet. Eventually I will have to say “That was awesome, pal!” to not hurt his feelings. That’s another thing that I find a bit annoying about parenthood. Kids have a lot more feelings than they used to. Our parents would tell us we were morons to our faces and it wouldn’t bother us.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.